July 22, 2004

     Life has its annoyances and mine is no exception. I have pet peeves too. Sometimes I'd go into a fit at the slightest provocation to the point of turning green and ripping my pants off. Okay, that's a stretch but you know what I mean.

     You would not believe it but I get annoyed by simple things in life. I get annoyed by the ever-shrinking plastic wrap of a CD that's a pain to open. Why hasn't anyone figured out a way to make an easy-open version? Like some smarty-pants did on a pack of gum or a can of corned beef? I hate to admit this but I cut myself once trying to open a CD with a kitchen knife. The damn wrap was as tight as Joan Rivers' eyelids. It's like taking off Incredible Hulk's boxers. Could this wrap be the reason why music lovers download (illegally at that) tunes instead of buying them?

     I also get annoyed by ego-tripping former consultants who still treat me like a frickin' intern. I am in my mid-30's and I still give my former mentors my utmost respect. All I ask is a little respect in return. Maybe it's just me, but several years ago, I met a consultant who gave me flashbacks of my last year in medical school.

"Whatever that lovely spoon and fork symbolize, they will remain in our kitchen wall. If they symbolize our Filipino heritage, it's the most compelling reason that they should stay there."

     I still call my former mentors "Doc" and it is just the proper thing to do. Some insist to be called by their names, but to most of us, it still feels uncomfortable. I still call my elementary teachers "Ma'am", as we all should. Just imagine if I called that consultant by his name (I wanted to) instead of "Doc", he may have exploded like Al Capone and hit me in the head with a bat. Bottomline is - if you command and deserve my respect, you'll get it.

     I also get annoyed by comments like "Filipino gid tu-od!" (translates to something like 'You are too Filipino' or 'You are truly Filipino') followed by a hearty, insulting laugh (no translation needed). Of course, those words were uttered by a "kasimanwa", but who else would speak the dialect? And that makes it even more annoying.

     Let me tell you a story.

     About five years ago, we had a house-warming party and we invited a few friends over. As hosts, we expected our guests to be more curious about our new place, look at things more closely than usual. That's fine. We do that too when we attend house-warming parties. But this one really tested my temper - one of the guests (my wife's friend) looked at an oversized pair of porcelain spoon and fork hanging on a corner in our kitchen wall, and blurted out, "Filipino gid tu-od!!!", followed by a very loud annoying laugh, you'd think you are watching Ursula (that squid/octopus?) from The Little Mermaid. All she really needed was a couple of pints of black ink and you could not tell the difference. (By the way, this happened around my time at the University Hospital. A he-intern got so mad at a co-intern that he opened up a black pen and sprayed ink all over the co-intern's white uniform. From then on the he-intern was otherwise known as Ursula. And appropriately so.)

     Now, my wife didn't even know what those spoon and fork represent, or if they are as Filipino as "Mano po'", Soup Number 5 or a portrait of "The Last Supper" in everyone's dining room. She picked them up at a garage sale of a nursing facility (owned by an Italian) she used to work for, for something like a dollar each. She thought they looked good and a bargain at that. She did not realize they symbolize anything uniquely Filipino until that day (as suggested by the friend). She hung them in the kitchen simply because an oversized spoon and fork won't look good in the master's bedroom. If they symbolize anything Filipino, then so much better. The symbolism just isn't obvious like a piece of stone taken from a wall in Intramuros would represent. Or Jose Rizal's bust. Or Lapu-lapu's authentic and autographed underpants (if ever he wore one).

     My question is, if they indeed symbolize being Filipino, why would you laugh at that? Believe me, I know the difference between a giggle and a laugh. The difference between a compliment and an insult. Was she laughing because we are so proud of our heritage? Was she laughing because we live in America and we don't behave as Americans in our own home? Well, in her case, I didn't need a spoon and fork to tell me what her nationality is. The pug nose was enough evidence (bada-bing!).

     Let's look at the bigger picture here. Just because you migrated to another country doesn't mean you can discard your customs, your heritage, and the things you grew up with. A green card doesn't mean your customs become trivial and laughable. It doesn't mean you'll laugh at someone who eats tocino and fried rice for breakfast while you feast on pancakes and syrup or fried steak with tartar sauce. Of course, we also need to understand and blend in to a new culture. That's a pre-requisite to living in and surviving in one's adopted country, and fortunately, we are very good at that too.

     Most of the things we do are quite amusing, especially if we start to blend into a new culture. Sometimes we'd laugh even if it's ourselves we're laughing at. For sure, at one time or another, you've read the list "101 Ways To Tell If You're Filipino" and you've managed to smile. That simply shows our uniqueness, that we do some things a little differently, as other cultures do. "Some aspects of Filipinos will probably always remain strange to non-Filipinos," wrote Alfredo and Grace Roces in the book, "Culture Shock: Philippines". "They have roots in a dim pre-colonial history, and in Spanish and American colonization. It is not essential to truly understand, or accept, Filipino cultural attitudes and values; it is enough that they are being recognized as different from their own."

     You may have already read the outstanding prize-winning essay by a Filipina about a "borderless world". She wrote, among other things, "Each square mile anywhere in the world is made up of people of different ethnicities, with national identities and individual personalities. Because of this, each square mile is already a microcosm of the world." In America, this is especially true. I remember a commercial for an airline before where people of different colors, races, and accents, took turns in saying "I am an American". A lot of Filipinos in America who were born and raised in the Philippines say that same phrase too. But when they go home, they still do a lot of things that are uniquely Filipino.

     The "Filipino gid tu-od" phrase should be said with pride and not something that is followed by an insulting laugh.

     About 2 months or so ago, I was contacted via e-mail by a reporter from The Daily Herald, a major suburb newspaper here. He said he is writing a series focusing on different nationalities in the Chicago suburb. The e-mail read in part - "My newspaper is running a series of stories called, "The Suburban Mosaic," which attempts to show the challenges facing immigrant groups as they try to retain their traditional culture while adapting to a new culture in the United States. As part of that series, I am trying to write a feature story illustrating problems facing Filipino-Americans in the suburbs of Chicago. I saw your writing on Filipino food at www.wvsumedaa.com, and would like to talk to you about that and about Filipino issues in general. I am interested in topics such as differences between the older and younger generations; dual citizenship; Catholic/Muslim conflicts; benefits for Philippine veterans; etc. For instance, do you know of any families in our suburban area in which there was friction between parents and children because of differences between how the children were raised and how their friends were raised? Or do you know of anyone here who has or plans to return to the Philippines for retirement, and how that is affecting their family?"

     My first reaction was, this article's gonna be great. It's the Daily Herald, dude. But as much as I would like to talk to and share my thoughts with the reporter, I may not be such an authority in the Filipino-American community here in the Chicago suburbs simply because I am the first in my family to migrate to America, and the same is true with my wife. What do I know about the younger and older generations? I told him I may not do justice to his article. I could've told him about my wife's friend who laughed at us for being "too Filipino" but thought the story doesn't deserve to be in a major suburban newspaper. Heck, it did not even make my column until 5 years later. Still, he asked me several questions which I honestly answered, but I didn't really expect would make his article. There's a lot more authoritative Filipino-Americans in Chicago than somebody who writes silly columns.

     The questions were: "Are there any traditions you practice with your daughter, or how do you teach her about her heritage? Do you speak Tagalog, or teach her any of that language? Why do you think there are significant numbers of Filipinos in the Chicago area? Do you know of any Filipino clubs or activities in the suburbs? As far as food goes, how would you characterize Filipino food in general? Why is it so important to Filipino-Americans? Why do you think there are so few Filipino restaurants?"

     I can have a whole column with the answers I provided but that's for another time. I wondered though how other Filipinos, especially those who came from other parts of the Philippines, answered the questions because, as a diligent reporter, he may have asked (or should have) a number of Filipino-Americans. You see, somebody from the Visayas like me, may have a different answer to the same question directed to somebody from Luzon. That would be an interesting sub-topic. A clash of cultures from the same country and trying to fit those cultures in another country with an entirely different culture. That is fascinating, isn't it? And I have not even mentioned about dialects. That somebody from Manila won't understand me in the same manner as an American. I may be Filipino but I don't speak Tagalog, if you know what I mean.

     A couple of weeks later, I stumbled upon the article in the on-line edition of the Daily Herald (I couldn't find the link now and I don't subscribe to the print edition). The article was a disappointment, as far as I am concerned. And it's not because my thoughts weren't included (of course, if my thoughts were included, the article should contend easily for the Pulitzer). I could have written the same thing in high school and my English teacher would have failed me.

     The article tells a story of a 3-generation Filipino family in a Chicago suburb. The grandmother watches over her granchildren as both parents work. The grandmother not only has to deal with playful and naturally naughty kids but also the cultural gap as well as the language barrier. When kids want to eat (as grandma doesn't understand English), they would climb the kitchen counters, open the cabinets and take out a box of cereal, then show it to grandma.

     Sure, only Filipino immigrant families do that. Really? And that's my problem with the article. You only know it's a Filipino family because of the family name and the words "kain na" (let's eat) somewhere in one of the paragraphs. If I replace the family name with, for example, Kwasniewski, and change "kain na", to Polish, one would think the family immigrated from Poland. Nothing distinctive, unique or interesting. And that's nothing against the subjects. I am sure they are a hardworking Filipino family like any other trying to make both ends meet in a land they call their new home.

     Now that I have thought about it, my wife's friend or ex-friend's "you are too Filipino" story is a lot more interesting. And it's five years old!

     A week ago today, my wife and I (with my 7-year old daughter taking the pictures) took our oath of allegiance to our adopted country. We were part of 135 people from 38 countries. We can now say the same thing as those people of varied races said in the airline commercial I mentioned above. The judge who administered the oath said in his message, and I am paraphrasing, "I ask you not to forget your heritage. America was built brick by brick and each brick represents a different heritage. I ask you to form a part of that brick wall."

     Whatever that lovely spoon and fork symbolize, they will remain in our kitchen wall. If they symbolize our Filipino heritage, it's the most compelling reason that they should stay there. I just hope it would not come to the point where I need to grab that spoon and hit somebody on the head with it just for uttering the words, "Filipino gid tu-od".

     If you have read this far, you're probably thinking I am just too sensitive. You're probably shaking your head right now and murmuring, "Tsk, tsk, Filipino gid tu-od..."

     So? Live with it.

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     The author's e-mail address is at drgarcia(at)wvsumedaa.com

     Views expressed on this column and any other by-lined articles on this site are the authors' own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the organization or its members.